The Eulogy for Sandy Pawlock: Offered by Her Sister Barbara
On the occasion of one's passing, it is truly a time of reflection of the shared experiences of our life, with each other and for the loved one that has just passed on from our life.Sandy had lots of roles during her lifetime. Daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother, aunt, and friend. She was to each of us infinitely different and special. She was hardworking, fun, could laugh with the best of them, forgiving more than most of us could ever be. She also called things as she saw them, much to some chagrin. She loved her daughters and grandchildren unconditionally and equally welcomed the sons-in-laws into her family. Even as upset as we mothers can get at our children at times, her total love never wavered for them. And, she was just like any other grandmother. She was so proud and delighted with her grandchildren, even unto her four-legged ones. She said she couldn't believe how smart they were, and where did they get it from anyway!!
Sandy was the youngest, sister...you know, the baby! I can remember when Sandy came into our lives to make her home with us. Her Mother, Ann, was dying of cancer and she had asked my Mom and Dad to promise to take care of her baby when she was no longer here on this earth. To which, they solemnly agreed. I was almost seven (7) years old at the time and I can remember our Aunt Ann placing Sandy on my lap and saying to me "you are going to have a new baby sister and will you promise me you will help take care of her" to which / responded "Yes." What a big deal that was for me! I took that promise to heart and through all our lives together. Sandy said I was just plain "bossy" and I said I was just hying to help her, and in my mind's eye, I was just trying to keep my promise to her Mom.
We had a lot of history together, Sandy and I, and our family. Memories, too numerous to mention, come flooding in at times like these, for all of us I'm sure. I asked Sandy if there was anything "off limits" when she asked me to give a eulogy at her funeral. She responded with a twinkle in her eye, “anything except the Bull Story,” then chuckled. For those of you who know nothing about the story ask someone in the family, or me later, so I won’t break my promise. But it's a good one! One of Sandy's and my jobs on the farm was churning milk into butter it was done by hand a long time before we finally got an electric churn. We would sit in the middle of the floor, with the churn between us and she would spell me when my arms got tired. Her favorite remark about it all was that, she didn't like this cow butter and why didn't we get the bull butter she liked at the store! Our family vehicle was a truck on the farm. When we would visit our relatives in Michigan, Sandy and l were loaded into the bed of the truck with blankets, pillows and a tarp for the long ride. It was fine unless we met with bad weather. Then it wasn't so enjoyable. But we had fun! Talk about the Beverly Hillbillies!! I think it's illegal to travel that way now.
We reminisced over our childhood many times, like everyone does, but the constant theme was always family. How we were raised, the experiences we had on the farm, how adversity drew us closer together as a family we attended Oakland United Presbyterian Church on Wylie Ridge, and was baptized there, also the Fort Jefferson 4-H Club and the Fort Jefferson Grange an Wylie Ridge. Sandy loved to square dance at the Grange Hall. Growing up within those organizations and church were the nucleus our social life. Sandy graduated from Oak Glen High School in New Manchester, WV. She then became a certified nurse's aide, at which she excelled. She was always in demand by the patients who came in contact with her. I told her my wish for her was to have an aide as caring and competent as she was to take care of her when the time came.
Sandy, from day one, had a struggle for life, being born prematurely at 3 odd lbs. I can remember them warming bricks and wrapping them in towels to put on each side of her to help keep her warm to survive. She also many challenges in life, but always was very pragmatic and managed to march forward to make the best of the situation.
Sandy, like the rest of us, was not perfect. But, she had so many great qualities. She was a hard worker, faithful to a fault to her friends and family. Was always there with a helping hand, when needed, and always direct in her feelings and actions with a person or situation. In this last part of her life, she handled all the trauma, pain and emotional upheaval with so much grace and dignity. I told the girls, I hope I can have half of that grace and dignity when my time comes. When Sandy and I would talk about death and dying and those who have went before, we always ended by saying how lucky she was going to be when she gets to heaven to be greeted by not one, but two Moms!
Sandy has run the race, met the challenges, and can, as we all can do, know that in Christ we are forgiven and can all join in the blessed eternal life He has planned for us. We will all miss Sandy, our beloved, Mother, Grandmother, Sister, Aunt, and Friend but know and be grateful that she is now resting in the arms jour Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.
It's Hard to Say Good-Bye
You know, I don’t think it’s ever easy saying goodbye, and it’s especially hard when you’re saying it to someone whom you know and love. And even when you believe that you’ll see the person again, it’s still hard to let them go. I remember, back when I was a little boy, we lived in Norfolk, Virginia and my dad worked for the Newport News Ship Building and Drydock. And every now and then, he’d have to make a business trip up here to Pittsburgh. And even though I knew he was only going to be gone for a couple of days and I knew that he was coming back and I knew that when he came back, there’d be something special for my sister and me in his suit case, I still remember how sad I was as I stood at the airport fence and watched my dad get on that airplane. You see, saying goodbye is always a difficult thing to do.
And of course, that’s especially true today, as we say goodbye to Sandy, a woman that I think y’all would agree had a smile that was catchy. And even though I hope y’all believe that what y’all are facing right now is just a time of separation; in other words, the day is coming when God’s going to recreate his universe and when that day comes, you’ll be able to join those who have died in a brand new world, one where there is no pain or cancer or death, and even though I hope you know that you’re going to not only see Sandy again but to spend eternity with her, right now it’s still difficult, isn’t; difficult to say goodbye.
But I’ll tell you, God didn’t leave you to deal with this by yourselves, because believe me, there are two things you can do right this minute that will sort of help you through the sadness. Now before I say anything else, let me be clear, there’s nothing I can say that will made the grief go away. Still I believe there are two things that can keep you going until y’all see Sandy again.
You see, first, you can simply believe; you can simply trust in God. And although sometimes that’s made overly complicated by minister-types like me, I’ll let you in on a secret, it’s really simple. Let me tell you what I mean.
Y’all can simply trust that Sandy was and is and that you are and will always be in the hands of God, in his loving and gracious and merciful hands. Now this is something we can all believe but you know, even if you’re not always sure and you have some questions, maybe even doubt, that doesn’t change the fact that Christ was born and he died and he was raised, and that doesn’t change the fact that we are still in God’s loving hands. I’m telling you, that’s one thing you can believe.
And you can also trust that, just like God led Sandy through death toward new life, one day she’s going to do the same thing for us. Now, remember the Psalm we read a little while ago. Well, that God who like a shepherd takes such good care of his sheep, man, he’s already led Sandy through the valley of the shadow of death. The pain is gone, and she’s home. You see, God has already done that for Sandy; and when it’s our time, he’s going to do the same thing for us. This is the something you can believe too.
And I’ll tell you, because of that, y’all can trust that you’re going to see Sandy again. Now I want you to imagine that, y’all are going to see him again in a new heaven and new earth. And of course she’ll certainly be outside, bragging about her grandkids and talking about growing up on a farm. And you can bet you’re bottom dollar that she’ll be smiling and so will the people around her. No, Sandy will be there, ready to spend eternity with his friends and family. I’m telling you, as you move through the sadness, you can believe, you can trust. That’s first thing you can do until we see Sandy again.
But you know, that’s not all. You see, second, starting this afternoon, y’all can remember Sandy. Now, I’m not going to blow any smoke; I really didn’t know her; although after reading Barbara’s eulogy and talking with Stephanie last evening, I got to know her a little bit. But you know, even though I didn’t know him, y’all did, and so starting today, y’all can remember. You can remember how she had what I think you could call a gentle strength, something that she showed as she fought cancer and heart problems for years. But you can also remember how, when she knew the fight was over, she was so gracious that she allowed God to take her hand and gently lead her home. You can remember that. But I’ll tell you, more important than that, y’all can remember just how important all of you were to her and how, even when she was sick, how she could still make y’all smile. You see, starting right after the service, y’all can remember. And as you remember, man, you can tell and retell the stories about Sandy, stories that y’all know so well. And please don’t forget the funny ones, and I think I’m safe in saying the story about the bull is one of them. And I’ll tell you why I think that’s important. Every time you share one these stories, in a very real way, you’ll be keeping alive all those experiences and qualities that made Sandy so special to those who loved her. You see, you can simply remember; you see, that’s the second thing we can do and continue to do until we see Sandy again.
Like I said, saying goodbye isn’t easy. And I don’t believe that God expects us to do this without feeling sadness and grief, even though we know that the separation is temporary. No, saying goodbye hurts. But after the initial sadness eases. I want to challenge y’all to do the two things we talked about this morning. In other words, when you leave here this afternoon, I want you to make the decision the you’re going to trust God and to remember Sandy, until you see her again.
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